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Jan. 14th, 2015 | 11:24 pm

this is how I feel

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(no subject)

Jan. 14th, 2015 | 09:45 pm

its dead

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You ok?

Dec. 30th, 2014 | 07:41 pm

I hope you made it ok!

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The Willful Prisoner

Dec. 28th, 2011 | 11:54 pm

A heart encompassed by a sturdy wall
Tall and impenetrable; its duty well-practiced.
Fierce battles rage against its defenses,
None succeeding against its strength.
Its mean-looking exterior denies the softness and vulnerability of what lies inside.
Wanting to escape from its eternal prison,
But yet seeking its refuge all the same.
The door opens only one way, but to open it is to risk
To risk a leap into what has created the need for the protector.
Outside, many attempts have been made to enter
To interact with the willful prisoner
Contact is made, and slowly the wall is lowered -
Not more than inches at a time
The heart feels alive - connected and secure
But as the defenses are let down, and the heart has become vulnerable again,
Her confidence is betrayed
Where only good was promised, a scar now rests in the thin flesh of vulnerability.
The walls are restored to their former place,
This time stronger than ever.

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I hope this bugs you

Oct. 8th, 2009 | 10:02 pm

n. a person having characteristics of both extrovert and introvert

So basically I was being an introvert tonight and needed to spend some time alone... So, like any person who wants to relax and spend time alone, I rode my longboard to some place I'd never been.

I don't know what it is about riding around on a board... ok I do. Anyway, I kept going until I found things I'd never seen before. So I followed them. The I found more things I'd never seen.

On to the point of the story... I found a spot that was so amazing I had to sit and bask in its beauty. It might not have been beautiful to anyone else, but to me, it was amazing.

As I sat and enjoyed my time of rest, I suddenly saw a huge shadow passing across the garage of a house across the street. An indeterminable shape passed across this house about once per second. For a while I couldn't figure out what this shape was. It changed each time it passed and became darker and lighter each time I saw it.

Eventually I decided to look at the source. The only way a shadow is created is by a light source. Looking up at the streetlight I could not see a thing; until suddenly... there it was! A tiny little moth fluttered in and out of the light. It didn't register with me right away.

A tiny, insignificant little bug was creating a shadow ten feet long. Because I am a nerd, I looked this up: a moth is about 6 millimeters. That means that the tiny little moth created a shadow 500 times its own size. When it flew away from the light, it created nothing at all.

That's when it hit me. (No, not the moth... the realization.) God spoke to me and said: just like this little moth, your mark on the world will be far greater than your small size if you will stand in my Light.

God's light is the source of all things, and if we stand in His light, our impact will be far greater than anything we could hope to do on our own.

Just like God says that we need only a mustard seed of faith, our insignificance can be used if we step into the Light Source.

I know this is a strange analogy but it was encouraging to me :)

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Wait for it... Wait for it!

Dec. 29th, 2008 | 09:39 pm

America is known as the land of consumerism... We think we deserve instant gratification for whatever it is we think we need (material possessions, careers, relationships, our plans, etc). 'Wait' is not a very popular word. We HATE being told to wait. Our culture has rid many of the waiting periods we are told by God to uphold. In Biblical times, men and women saved themselves for their spouses; it didn't 'slide' if they did it beforehand.

Credit cards enable us to get what we want right when we want it - we don't need to work for something before we can get it. Everything in life has become about hurrying and getting what we want, and only later do we realize that getting these things STILL doesn't make us happy.

                    Psalm 40:1-3

I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

'Waiting patiently' does not sound 'fun' to us, so we just don't do it. But if you notice, when we wait, God seems to come through for us. Trying to push things to happen (careers, relationships, ministries, etc) shows God that we aren't willing to wait for Him to do it in his way, and his timing.

                    Psalms 37:34

Wait for the Lord and keep His way. He will exalt you...

                    Luke 1:20

And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time."

Whether or not we realize it, things don't work out correctly when we don't wait on God.

                    Isaiah 40: 31

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint"

Renewed strength, flying with wings as eagles, running without weariness or fainting... sounds good to me! Over and over again in scripture we see evidence of those who wait for God's promises and are rewarded for it:

David was annointed king by Samuel but had to wait 25 years before he could finally sit on his throne.

God told Abram to leave his father's house and follow him (Genesis 12:1-3), giving him six promises:

                    I will make a great nation from you

                    You will be blessed

                    You will be a blessing

                    I will make your name great

                    I will bless those who bless you

                    I will curse those who curse you

Abraham was nearly 100 years old before Isaac was born (25 years after being given the promise). (Abram did not think he would ever have children because he was so old.) He trusted in God's promise that his family would become a great nation, and God fulfilled this promise, in His timing.

Joseph was promised that his family would one day bow to him. This took about 20 years for this to be fulfilled. He had to be sold into slavery by him own family, thrown in jail, forgotten by those he helped, and tested before he could finally receive his promise. After his time of waiting, though, he was given power and leadership he could have never dreamed possible by his own terms.

There is a recurring theme here... those who have waited on God have been blessed by God.

                    Jeremiah 29: 11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God tells us He has plans for us which include a hope and a future, prosperity, and freedom from harm. That sounds pretty good to me. His plans are much better than any I could create on my own.

                    John 16:33

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Obviously, we cannot escape problems in our lives. It is the inevitable result of sin in the world. This is why we need to fully depend on God and trust in His promises.

                    Romans 8:25

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. wait expectantly

God tells us to wait expectantly... This means we are to expect Him to do great things, but first we need to wait!

waiting developes perseverence that builds our character and enables us to become more humble in our walk with God and with others.

We can't expect to understand it all. Not knowing the future makes life exciting! There's really no point in knowing it all, because we still wouldn't know what to do with it.

Where are you going to be in 5 or 10 years?
What job will you have?
Who will you know?
Where will you live?
Only God knows! But He has good plans, so there's no need to worry!

Whatever is happening in your life, don't give up! Wait for promises! (Notice, I can't repeat enough that waiting leads to fulfillment of God's promises!)

Immerse yourself in the Bible and in prayer, memorize scripture that pertains to your situations and remind your self of God's promises.

We're in a metaphorical exile like moses. We need to continue walking until the time comes for us to reach our promised land.

We need to show God that we are willing to do His will, EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T KNOW IT! Tell God He's worth it no matter what the plan is. It's pointless to expect things from God when we don't seek Him, wait for his promises, and sacrifice for him. Then all you need to do is create space! DOn't be "too busy for God" or he will realize you aren't ready for Him to show Himself.

                    Ecclesiastes 3:1

To everything there is a season
And a time to every purpose under the heaven

                    Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

It's easier than you think to turn your life around...

Study God's word,
Trust His faithfuless in those promises,
Wait on Him,
Receive more than you could have dreamed for yourself!

And remember, anything worth having is worth waiting for :)

(Thanks to http://nigeriaworld.com/feature/publication/awodele/080307.html)

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The Missing Piece

Nov. 8th, 2008 | 10:13 pm

Remember the times before cell phones and the internet?

We didn't have these things, and we did just fine. Sure, we imagined things could have been easier or better, but we were just fine without them. NOW, we can't imagine living a week (let alone a DAY) without using the internet or our cell phones.

We created a new need for ourselves. I'm not exempting myself from this. Ironically, my phone has been broken for 2 days and I've had to deal with it. It was hard in the beginning but now it's almost nice not to have my phone with me... (Not that I don't miss your calls and texts :)

In life, I've learned that we are content with our lives, but then we create new 'needs' in our lives; things we just can't live without.

Once we get to the point where we feel like we're incomplete without this new thing, it basically makes us unhappy more than it makes us happy.

When we feel empty inside, our radar is turned on to find something (or someone) to fill that hole. When we feel incomplete, we're always looking to complete ourselves. The problem is, we can't complete someone else unless we're already complete.

We had a woman speak about something similar in chapel last week.

The way we create problems:

Needing control
Being self-absorbed
Feeling like we're missing a piece

John 15:11 says "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete."

This means our joy (not our happiness) becomes complete in JESUS, not in whatever we try to fill our emptiness with.

How to fix our emptiness:

Realize that God is in control. This doesn't mean to stop trying and be passive in life, but it also means not trying to force things to go our way.

Give ourselves away. Jesus came here to serve, and we should follow his example. Feeding our own selfish desires, if we really think about it, does not make us happy. Serving others CAN make you happy.

Realize that only God can make us whole. Looking for other things to fill the emptiness inside just creates another thing we 'need' in life and make us feel even less complete when we don't have it.

I write about this because it's been my struggle lately. (I don't want to get into the details.) I'm almost always happy, have a smile on my face, and enjoy every moment I get to experience, but a new 'need' crept up into my life. When this thing wasn't there, it would make me feel empty, even though I was perfectly content before this need was there.

I love how God makes things work out like this. This speaker, for example, spoke directly to this problem. She talked about 'the missing piece' and it felt like it was directly for me.

After a few long talks with God, things are getting better. I'm realizing, like I need to keep learning, that God is really ALL i need. Once you accept the fact that you need nothing but God, He usually gives you more than you need.

God is good :)

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You can't fix stupid hahaha I love this!

Nov. 6th, 2008 | 06:19 pm

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Creation Appreciation

Oct. 20th, 2008 | 09:32 pm

As I've said before, the world is a very beautiful place, while at the same time being a very ugly place. It just depends how you look at it.

Lately, I've seen the amazing beauty of the world. We sometimes call it "creation appreciation". It's become very easy to look at something and think, "Wow, God, you did an amazing job creating that".

To look at the stars, the sunset, the open sky, and the people God has created, it's hard to miss the beauty created by His hand.

Sometimes the amazing beauty of God's work literally takes me breath away. I honestly am in love with God and am truly captivated by everything He's made.

God is, essentially, made of strength and beauty. When you depend on his strength, life becomes a whole lot easier. I've learned that when you doubt (God, or yourself), that is when you start to fall. When you fully trust in God, things just 'happen' to work out, 'somehow.'

There are lots of people you can look at and just see God's amazing work. You can really see the beauty manifested in their lives. I appreciate those people. It's like a glimpse into the hear of God.

God's strength and beauty are so apparent the more I look, and THAT is why I'm always smiling. Everything seems so much more amazing and so much more beautiful when you love God with everything in you.

Well, I love Jesus. I love His creation. I love the people He's made and put in my life.

2, 4, 6, 8 I appreciate! ;)

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It's Nice :)

Sep. 30th, 2008 | 04:02 pm

It's funny how things change.. and it's funny how things stay the same. Basically, everything is pretty funny. (Not chemistry, though.) So at first I was pretty quiet and reserved when I got here, but then I had a long talk with God and he told me to just be myself. It's definitely a lot more fun for me, and people seem to enjoy it, too. People figured out I'm weird and crazy, so there's no point in trying to hide it anymore.

I also think it's funny how I got extremely sick (bronchitis and lung infection and asthma attack) in the first week of class. Not haha funny, but ironic funny. Anyway, I'm still catching up from that. God has been able to show me how amazing he is through these things. I look forward to going to chapel and church any chance I can because I can't wait to be in God's presence again. It's pretty exciting...

I walk around school with a smile on my face basically all the time. I must look crazy to everybody that sees me. Like I've got some secret in my head that nobody else knows. Well, that's pretty much what it is..

My secret is that I like being happy, and smiling makes me happy, and being happy makes me smile. Pretty simple, I know. It's really nice if you try it, though. I can find something funny in almost every situation, and that definitely helps me stay happy too. Things go through my mind that either wouldn't make sense to anyone else, or they would just think it was dumb. That's ok though, because knowing everyone else would find it dumb just makes me laugh more (inside my head) because I know I'm crazy haha

I've been extremely (unquenchably) thirsty for over a week now. I can't help drinking... It's like I'm addicted haha but getting up repeatedly to get more things to drink just gives me more things that I find funny (like people doing awkward thing).

Anyways, so I've made a lot of good friends, and lots more acquaintances. It's nice to know people see my craziness and spend time with me anyway! It's also nice to be able to be there for people who need somebody. It's also nice to be myself and be happy. Basically, it's nice.

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